Tuesday, 30 August 2005
Home and Beret!
I love France! Cheese-eating surrender monkeys indeed! What rubbish! At least they can stand up to the United States once in a while! And what's wrong with eating cheese? Anthony Worral-Thompson eats cheese, and he's never personally defeated the Nazis, so is he French? I think not!
And anyways, any nation that drives like the French wouldn't need to surrender! Any invasion force couldn't possibly get past the first T-junction!
But the absoloute best thing about the French is the beret! I went on a day trip (Who in god's name decided to call them "Booze Cruises", anyway? That's like calling "Going out for a take-away" a "Chip Trip", or an errand to the friendly local butcher's a "Pork Walk"! Only for people who can really bring home the bacon!) to the land of the free hairdo the other day, and I bought one. Fantastic! It's too big for my noggin, though! they only had a size 8&1/2 or 9&1/2, and I'm a size nine! So I'm going to have to pop down to the tailors later on to see if he'll alter it. I'll bet he won't though - how many English tailors have seen a beret outside of their wet dreams?
While nobody but nobody seems to like it, everybody has looked at it, so I'm getting attention, at least! Actually, I tell a lie, three people have liked it - a sexy French shopgirl, who showed me how she thought I ought to wear it (huh! As if she'd know! I spoke to a French vendor of various grungey and punk-ey products, and he said that the French are completely different from all the stereotypes, which means they A) Don't live solely off their national snail population, and B) Don't munch baguettes in the street, sell onions wrapped around their chest or wear Berets, and C) don't hide from passing Germans.) Anyways, three people like the hat so far, a French shopgirl, who had the privelidge of showing me how to wear it without saying a single word I understood, a British customs official, who had the privelige of deciding I wasn't a terrorist, and an American surfer dude, who had the privelige of not being in the same country as George Bush.
I love the Beret almost as much as I love my fishing hat - in fact, I forsee a mental clash between the two for the coveted place nombre une in my heart. I made a photo, a while ago, with the intention of turning it into a splash page for this site, but I'm wearing the fishing hat in it! I'm considering doing another one with the beret, but I don't currently own digital camera!
I intended to make this a post about the trip to France, with my mad, loony family (incidentally, "Beret loon" is an anagram of "Toblerone"! How cool is that? ..wrong, it's even cooler!) but it's kind of turned into a quick bulletin on my headgear, and who am I to argue with fate? I'll just finish by saying that the number of double-takes people have been giving me in the street has risen to positively astronomical levels, which could plausibly be interpreted as a good thing!
James, what I think is a tragedy are the lousy ideas you've adopted from us that are doing just fine - empire-building, gun crime and American Idol! I mean, the only bit of British heritage you hear about on Channel Four is "how we used to run the world"! But come to think of it, I don't know who came up with gun crime, actually! We had Highwaymen, you had the whole Wild West a-man's-gotta-prove-himself-by-making-holes-in-his- -mates-with-a-revolver thing going on! And "American Idol"? What an unimaginative name! They just take our version, stick "American" into the name, and broadcast it to every flaming moron with a telly!
Sara, burn, witch! Putting sugar in tea! You'll be sorry, one of these days!
Ant, not if you're in Greenland in the middle of winter repairing fridges assisted by the abominale snowman, it ain't!
Rosie, actually, I'm supporting the underdog, making things more equal, miss I'll walk to McDonald's in my Converse boots while listening to Busted on my Ipod and sending texts on my Nokia mobile phone!
Do you need one? I'm always having a go at you about self-esteem! I thought you'd be sick of it by now!
17:30 Posted in Blog | Permalink | Comments (14) | Email this
Comments
I think the beret has to rank up alongside your fisherman's hat as one of the greatest pieces of headgear in the world, i've seen the hat now have to see the beret.
I, being the guy who bought Cool Runnings on Dvd recently, would urge you now to buy a rastafarian hat, preferrably just randomly offering money to a passing person smoking weed.
Oh speaking of wonderful headgear how could we forget to mention ur purple alice band, that was legendary.
Wow i wrote for longer than all of my other comments put together, now i am mentally exhausted. Goodbye!
Posted by: McMullet | Tuesday, 30 August 2005
How the FUCK do you know your hat size. You must be really posh, most shops don't do hat sizing! But I want the beret, if it can't be altered then I'll have it! And I can't believe you was nasty to Rosie! You love her, don't deny it, the thing between you two is just so annoying cause you both still have underlying feelings for one another!!!
I need a passport! And YOUR beret!
Posted by: me. you should bloody no | Tuesday, 30 August 2005
I have a Samsung phone.
I don't eat Mcdonalds.
I hardly ever drink coke.
So what if I like Busted? You shouldn't judge people by their musical tastes. All bands are manifactured in some sense, even your preciouse motorhead.
Now fuck off!
Posted by: Rosie | Thursday, 01 September 2005
Cheese, like garlic, is great. And it is utterly ridiculous to use it in a derogatory manner against the French.
Posted by: biscuit | Thursday, 01 September 2005
Cheese is horrible and should be banned, imho.
Posted by: inbrederichatescheese | Friday, 02 September 2005
im back. didya miss me? no? well fuck u all
i used 2 have a green beret 4 school. it suckedass. i hated it. wat colour is ur beret?
bye now xx
Posted by: Rosie purpley | Sunday, 04 September 2005
i have a pink beret! i love it, i got it in the really cool little streets around sacre coeur :)
you lie!!! the french DO wear berets! that is one of the things that made me really really happy when i went to paris, i saw an old man in a cafe wearing a beret :) i was on the bus and i was like, whoah!!!, the french actually wear berets!
snails look nasty... i dont think id ever be brave enough to try one. and i think frogs are cute so i wouldnt eat them either.
wear your beret with pride!
did you try the crepes?
Posted by: sara | Tuesday, 06 September 2005
they do crepes at camden. with nutella. oh gosh, they are lush!
Posted by: inbred eric | Wednesday, 07 September 2005
SARA HAS A PINK BERET!!
Cait... HAD.... one but she brought it to my house about last year, my dog got to it and it's hidden at the back of my cupboard. Don't think she remembers it though :S
Rice cakes and nutella are yum.
I don't really agree about the everyone-male-human-trying-to-sing-like-Liam Gallahger (rawr.). I really one kid in my year did an awful cover of Stairway To Heaven for the whole school to cringe at. Poor dude. He looks a bit like Jack White.
I've tried snails, but I forgot what they tasted like. Oh and someone dared me to eat a little chicken's heart in Spain. Yum *winks*
Posted by: Shan | Wednesday, 07 September 2005
Not again, again there is going to be a huge hype up about a hat that i will never see, Damn you John, Damn you
also i must say i like the sound of a "pork walk" its an amazing concept, days out to buy meat, pure genius
Posted by: Ant D | Wednesday, 07 September 2005
shannn!!! how EVIL! i thought he was really good! brilliant guitar playing...singing could use a leetle bit more work, but still!
and he was very gutsy.
put me in front of the whole school to play guitar and sing and know what id do? id forget the words, my fingers would shake so much you couldnt recognise the song, and id run out the hall screaming.
Posted by: sara | Friday, 09 September 2005
I wouldn't run out the wall screaming. I'd just not come to school on that day. Finish.
Posted by: Shan | Saturday, 10 September 2005
*hall screaming...
And plus, that's the only song he knows how to play.
Posted by: Shan | Saturday, 10 September 2005
is that meant to be a stab at me...?
its not my fault i can only play one song! and not even as well as that...
im just lazy!
and...
not very good!
evil shan...
Posted by: sara | Sunday, 11 September 2005
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